belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
