What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
