I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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