dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I love having hate sex.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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