She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
