dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
