I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You smell like a Billy Joel song
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
