nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
