sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
