You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Screwed.edu
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
