the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
