sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
