haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
