just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
