tonight lets celebrate not being married
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
