Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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