so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
