I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
