Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
