I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
