oh god the rape fog is back!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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