There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Sober January is a disaster.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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