I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
