Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I need moral support for this bender
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
