I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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