There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
