There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
