I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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