i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
