I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
