i need an iv and a liver transplant
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
