I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
