i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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