I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
