He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
