he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I am one with the molecules
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
