P.S. I can't hear my feet
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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