I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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