halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
