Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
