Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
