Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
