Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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