Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
