she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
