I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
