so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
