Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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