TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
