you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
